Friday, June 14, 2013

Welcome to Poland?

When I said I was going to be one of those "special needs bloggy moms", I decided to tell it like it is. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Well, at the time I didn't think the ugly would ever really occur (duh) nor did I know how difficult it would be to write about (double duh).

I have come to terms with Boog having autism. I've mourned, I've changed my hopes and dreams, I've become realistic. Then I got back up, dusted myself off, and became a fighter. I can't change the fact that Boog has autism, but dammit I can change the way people perceive it. If I change one person's ideas about autism, then I've done my job. Fight, shout, write, push, early intervention, full-time school, ABA, gluten-free, dairy free, specialists, doctors (for Boog and myself), homework, practice, forcing him to verbalize, hand-over-hand, using a spoon, ipad, dropping out of nursing school with one semester left because he needed me and I couldn't do both.

I can write about all that because its informative, being an advocate for my son, and positive.

Know what's hard to write about? Hitting a plateau. Boog is moving forward, but not at the speed he should be considering all that is being done to help him. He's still not talking. 

I got used to seeing the NT (neuro-typical) child at a store with their mom, younger than my son, speaking full sentences to his mother. It still stings, but doesn't make me cry. What I have to deal with now is seeing classmates move forward, and speak, and my son still hasn't. No words. He will by four in October.

Please understand I have no malice towards these other children. I am so happy for every single one of them. I am so proud of what I have seen these children do in less than two years. It's amazing. 

It had really just never occurred to me that I would have to take this path again. The one where you think you're going somewhere and then you find out you're not. Ya know "Welcome to Holland"? The poem? Well, I was FINE with Holland. I was enjoying it. I found the Rembrandts, the windmills, and was even bringing other people over to visit. 

Now I have just realized someone came in while I was sleeping and put me in Poland. I don't know anything about POLAND. Send me back to Holland!

So, the most I can tell you is that I've got to do some research on Poland. I've got to change my ideas, regroup, and make myself understand that Poland is an okay place to be. And who knows? We may get back to Holland at some point :)

Thank you for reading my rant. Prayers always appreciated :)

Boog's Mommy