Tuesday, February 28, 2017
The Needs of the One
Ten points to anyone nerdy enough to get where this post's title came from.
So we happen to live in one of the poorest states. It's also the state almost always behind in everything important.
There are little to no options for children with Autism here. It's heart breaking. We are so blessed to have our elementary school, staff and teachers. I honestly don't know how we became so lucky to end up here. My opinion is that it was by the grace of God.
Having a special needs son hasn't necessarily made me more religious, but it has made me understand God much better and taught me to see signs I never noticed before. He has guided me every inch of the way for the last seven years and I am so so thankful.
Right now I believe He is telling me that I will have to uproot my little family and separate it from my extended family that I love dearly by many miles. Last summer Boog was in any amazing day camp for about six weeks. Well, because it's the only camp that is for special needs children they are only allowing two weeks per child in order for more to have a chance to attend. It's like every time I find something it never lasts. That's why I'm always nervous. I worry about years in the future and I know other mothers don't. Right now I'm already stressed about summer and it's two months away. Right now I'm stressed about middle school and it's years away.
Like I said, by now I understand signs and I "hear" so much more. For about two years I have had a thought in the back of my mind that we may have to move out of state one day. The longer time has gone on, the more that thought comes forward. I believe God knows how hard this will be for me so he told me years in advance. This way I can research where we need to be. I have plenty of time to make the right decision no matter how painful it may be.
I have lived here my entire life. I don't want to move. I also don't have the ability to settle for "pretty good" when it comes to my son. Unless some major changes happen in the near future, there won't be anything I deem even close to acceptable for my son's continued education and ability to be as independent as possible.
The burden of worry is a double edged sword. On one side, it makes you prepared way before anyone else is. The other side means your mind is clouded with worry and fear for things that are very far in the future, or things that may not even happen at all. An example is how important it is that Lucas be independent being constantly on my mind. I know I cannot live forever and it terrifies me. Until I find the perfect path that will last for more than a few years I will worry about this. As of right now there isn't much of anything here to help older children or adults with Autism. Literally every state that surrounds us has so many opportunities it is nauseating to me. Why? Why here? Why not?
It's like being in a beautiful meadow. There are brightly colored flowers and green grass all around you - but you can't enjoy it. You can't enjoy it because you are standing in the one dark, deep, muddy puddle in the entire meadow.